An interview with a semi-sane, almost-literate somnambulist.


what is confidence?

silly ! dint u study that in primary school. confidence was when i had the courage to stand up in front of the class and recite the poem given by madam last wednesday, by heart. confidence was when i was nervous, but when i did speak that one up, teacher was so very proud of me and allowed me to read the whole chapter in font of the class. i felt so special. this is courage ..this is confidence.

but isnt it supposed to make you feel good and aware that you can do something

sheesh !! how did you pass primary school. u foolish boy. the confidence is there earlier. u cannot feel it. but when u accomplish something, it comes out in the open as joy. remember, when u first interacted with the senior batch at school. u were in lower secondary..and those people were bigger & better than you. but u did compete and u did snatch away a few wins. how in the world did u manage to put ur name as a debater in the first place..and remember how nervous were you wen u stepped out in the auditorium for that little slip of paper which held ur victory or demise over the next few minutes. the muscle that drove the hand to pick that chit up..was confidence.

so..let me get this clear. unless u have confidence, u cant do something. what happened to inspiration..isnt that a non-egoistic way of bolstering urself ?

see..look at ur board exams. when u were small, u gave exams prepared by a teacher whom u knew. slowly over the years, u actually realized that you could actually second guess most of the questions tha would come in the exams. alas ! the better u became at this, the sooner they took it away from you. there was a board exam and an unknown examiner. for the first time, u were alone with your thoughts and ur anticipation. dint u do well there ? ofcourse !!

uh! so u mean that judgement is what we get from confidence

yes..and a lot more. the point is, that be it any test or task that u r faced with, u are always nervous. its only after crossing a hurdle that u will sincerely believe that u can cross it. past mistakes/failures do not count, they give u a realistic analysis of what u did in a particular situation. these are not and should not be used as parameters for a possible future endeavour. its always tricky to think that u are confident..mebbe its bluster, mebbe ur own mind is decieving you..so its better to leave that behind u and in the meanwhile also realise that all those little nagging thoughts that seem to pull u down are actually making you push urself up..

realise valkyrie, that there is not a single syllable that can help u here. the purpose is to blank the mind..let all the negatives go out with the positives. be at a sate where u are learning for the joy of it..where u derive pleasure from each and every small victory u achieve. these little victories are important in the grand scheme of things.

remember what happens to the ozzymandias who says

"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"

but what the king never knew was that

"Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away
there are no kings around u"

the hall of odeon is waiting, u have the key

(the author sincerely hopes that he managed to get the message across to the person whom this post has been inended for. although, he also acknowledges the fact that he has lost much of the verbal lubrication of his thought process)